Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
