I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
