When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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