Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
