we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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