so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
