We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
