He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
