Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
