a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
