Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
