Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Fuck appropriateness.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
