apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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