Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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