Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
