Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
