Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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