This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
