god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
