Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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