Just cropdusted the office
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
