She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
