i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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