you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
