my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just invented taco cereal.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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