I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
