Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
