I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im about as happy as oj after his trial
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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