dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
