normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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