1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
