It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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