Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This is my gift to your gina
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
