Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
