Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
