I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
