I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
