Please, let me fuck your mom
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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