Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
