Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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