nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
