I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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