Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
