is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
