you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
