he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
