Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm both gender and math confused
I think we might need a safe word for this...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
