my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
