Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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