mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
