I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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