I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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