Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
