I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
