Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
