they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
