I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
