she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
