woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
