i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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