Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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